It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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