So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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