she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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