saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
