i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
