that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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