i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
