Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
