I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
