i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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