Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
