I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
