Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
