While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
