this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
