Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
