just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
