Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
