Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
