Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They took my balls.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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