I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize