I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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