tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
