Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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