i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize