the condom got lost in my hair
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
