I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
