I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
