I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
