I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
