wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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I'm sobbing to NWA
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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