He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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