I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just invented taco cereal.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
