I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
