Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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