it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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