I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
