I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
