We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
