Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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