Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
