Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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