He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
