your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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