I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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