so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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