I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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