nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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