He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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