I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I came so hard my ears popped.
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