Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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