I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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