Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
