Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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