***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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