hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
