You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
