you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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