Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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