you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
