Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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