This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i've created a new STD.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
