I heard we made out
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
