When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
