My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
