get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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