Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
