blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
