Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
