Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
