every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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