Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
