do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
