Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
