Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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