You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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