Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
