he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
