Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
