he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
