Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
