white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
