The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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