after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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