sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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